T1+Writing

=__**//Monday 11th April 2011//**__ = = = =__**//WALT - write an argument using persuasive language features to convince people to visit the Bay of Plenty.//**__ = = = =__**//Success Criteria//**__ = =__**//My writing contains an introduction, 3 key arguments and a conclusion//**__ = =__**//I will state and restate my opinion//**__ = =__**//I use a range of language resources and punctuation//**__ = =__**//My paragraphs follow the S E E structure//**__ =

**“DO YOU WANT A GOOD TIME? CAME AND WISIT A REALLY FUN PLACE!”**

 __“**TAURANGA**__ __!__ __”__

**There is a lot of places to go “ Mount Hot Pools, Luge, Waihi Gold Mine, Red Wood, Kiwi 360 and Karangahake Gorge.”**

**The Mount Hot pools are nice and warm so if it is cold you can go there and warm up. The luge is fun Where you go on the top of a hill and you go in a cart and down the hill. The Gold Mine is really amazing it looks like it goes down for ever! . Red woods is a good place for biking. Kiwi 360 is a big cool kiwifruit and has a good view. The Karangahake Gorge is a long-short track that will lead you to a old train track and you better bering a torch because there isn't lights that go on for** **ever**!

There is also: “lazar tag, Climbing the Mount, Going around the Mount and swimming at the beach.”

Lazar tag is a really fun game were you were a pear of glasses and made a vest and you get a fake lazar gun and you go in a maze inside and you can shoot someone (it doesn't hurt them) and you lose a life (not a real life). Climbing up the Mount is really fun and when you get to the top ( It will take a wile.) you can see the hole city (mostly the hole City) and it is really amazing. Waking around the mount is fun for the kids more and if you are lackey you will be able to see Dolphins! swimming at the beach is really fun because the kids can swim and they can build sand casuals on the beach and you can go and order some fish and chips around the corner!

So came to the Bay Of Plenty because we have lots of places to visit and a lot of things to do because we have plenty to do!

Some good ideas here Cameron, but you don't have 3 main ideas. You have attempted to use paragraphs correctly which is great but you need to link them eg. my first reason, secondly, finally. A great rhetorical question in your introduction to begin with, well done. You haven't really convinced me, which was your main objective. You need to focus on using stronger imperatives. Excellent use of personal pronouns, I felt like you were really talking to me! Your conclusion needs to be stronger and restate your three ideas. You are making progress with your writing Cam, just be sure to include enough ideas to keep your arguments strong. Miss Crone :)